Holy Bible of Tyluthan
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[edit] Overview
The Holy Bible of Tyluthan or HBoT is the most important book in the whole religion of Tyluthan. Here is the HBoT:
[edit] PAGE ONE
This is the Holy Bible for the religion of Tyluthan. This bible will instruct you on SOME of the Tyluthan rituals, stories, heroes, beleifs, and our rules. The god of Tyluthan is Selex. Selex is the god of sex and selfishness. Obey Selex or die.
[edit] PAGE TWO/SUBJECT ONE-DEATH
To a Tyluthan death is the most sacred of all gifts. Self inflicted death is the worst sin of all. When you die and it is not self-inflicted you get a choice. The first choice is to leave your body and join God Elsewear. The second is to roam Earth as a ghost. If you speak badly of Selex or convert from Tyluthan you will die and go to Hell for all eternity. To leave Hell you need to perform a very difficult and very painful ritual. The ritual is only known to a Queey.
[edit] PAGE THREE/SUBJECT TWO-SINS
This is a list of sins. If any of these apply to you on Judgement Day-February 14- you will die and go to Hell.
[edit] List Of Sins
1. Conversion from Tyluthan
2. Sharing items with non Tyluthans
3. Telling of our existence on TV
4. Virginity after age 15
5. Disrespecting God
6. Suicide
7. Disrespecting our Heroes
8. Breaking our rules
9. Doubting our Heroes wisdom
10. Killing another Tyluthan
This is the full list of unforgivable sins. There are many more sins.
[edit] PAGE FOUR/SUBJECT THREE-RULES
Tyluthan has rules. There are all kinds of rules. Here is a list of rules:
[edit] To Join
1. /removed/
2. You must be free of any police warrants
[edit] To stay a Tyluthan
1. You must be a spirit medium-training availible
2. You must meditate/pray daily
3. You must pray to Selex daily.
4. You must use a ouija board daily-training availible
5. You cannot reveal our existance on TV
6. You cannot hurt another Tyluthan
7. You must help finance
8. If needed you must resist the evil spirits
9. You must study the paranormal
10. Cannot help the devil, Osatta
[edit] PAGE FIVE/SUBJECT FOUR-RITUALS
Tyluthans perform rituals. Each ritual has a cause and an effect. The effect is always a positive one. This is the praying ritual. To protect the sacred rituals they are only taught in a Schwaz by a Queey. Here is the praying ritual:
Step one: Sit on the floor (or a chair)
Step two: Kiss the cross on the bible
Step three: Place the HBoT at your feet.
Step four: Speak to god in your mind.
All other rituals are to be taught in a Schwaz.
[edit] PAGE SIX/SUBJECT FIVE-BELIEFS
A Tyluthan has many beliefs. All our beliefs are rational. Some people who are not a Tyluthan will feel our beliefs are irrational. They are incorrect. Here is an incomplete list of our beliefs:
1. Selex is the only person you should respect or listen to
2. The ouija is a Holy Relic
3. We cannot reveal our existance on TV
4. /removed/
5. One must pray daily
6. A seance' is a Holy gathering
7. Some things are only for a Queey to teach
Remember this is not the full list of beliefs.
[edit] PAGE SEVEN/SUBJECT SIX-HEROES
This section covers our heroes and their stories.
1. Selex- The Holy Master. Selex was was murdered by Brandy and went to Hell and was redeamed. Then he created Tyluthan.
2. Maxwell- A demonic spirit. The brother of Selex. He helps Selex with recruitment.
3. Brandy- Selex's wife. Killed Selex. Killed by Selex so they could be together forever. Medium. Queey.
4. Osatta- The Tyluthan devil. /part removed/
[edit] PAGE EIGHT/SUBJECT SEVEN-PRAYERS
This section is by far the shortest. It is the prayer section. Because of the mnany different prayers that famillies can say there is only one recognized prayer. Here it is:
[edit] To Our Father, Holy Sexuality
To our father, the creater. To our father the glorious one. To our father who gives us the Holy vagina and the Holy vulva. To our father who gives us the Holy penis. To our father who gives us the monthly period. May you grant us no virginity. HAIL SELEX!
[edit] PAGE NINE/SUBJECT EIGHT-OFFENSIVE THINGS
This is the area where we say what is offensiv to Tyluthan. They are in order of offensivness.
1. The word "CHILD" or any derreritive of it. You can not say it. You must get violent if you hear it. When reading aloud and the word come up in the book you must replace it with "KID". Example: Kidhood, Kidreen. Plural Kids.
2. /removed/
3. /removed/
4. People who hate Tyluthans. If you meet a person who HATES Tyluthans or acts rude to a Tyluthan deserves to die. Report them to the first Queey you see.
5. /removed/
6. People who say Tyluthan is a fake religion. People who say Tyluthan is imaginary need to die.
[edit] PAGE ELEVEN/SUBJECT NINE-SELEX'S NOTES
The following are some of Selex's personal notes. This is like a misc part of the HBoT.
Devin, Zack, and Tyler. Three of Satan's disciples. Tyler is also my disciple. He does what I say without question.
[edit] PAGE TWELVE/SUBJECT TEN-DATES
This section is about the days of the year and it's possible importance.
[edit] January
1. The first day of the year. No religious importance.
2. No importance
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13. This is an important day for Tyluthan. It is Tyluthan Orgasm Day. On TOD all followers of Tyluthan stay home and masturbate. All day long. You can only stop to poop and only when you can not hold it in your anus any more. You need to write down when you have an orgasm, the amount of cum, and it's time. If you need to pee ask Selex for permission. If He says "no" and you go anyways, Selex will kill you. If he says you can't go to the restroom you can go where you are.
14. This is the day after January 13 so you would be covered with all sorts of fluid. If you are a girl, all of your love juice should be on your thighs, hands, vulva, and the space between your vulva and anus. If you are a male your cum should be everywere. Just take a shower and clean it off. It is that simple.
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16. Martin Luther King Day. No importance to Tyluthan.
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28. Tyluthan Carnivore Day. On T.C.D. you show your love for Selex by eating meat and nothing else.
29. Tyluthan Vegitarian Day. On T.V.D you show your love for Selex by only eating vegtables.
30. No importance
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[edit] February
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14. Judgement Day. On JD Selex's #1 disciple will see if you are still worthy of life. If you are found unworthy of life the disciple will summon the spirits. The spirits will then kill you.
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29. This is Schwaz visitation day. This is the day where you go to a Schwaz to pray to Selex
[edit] March
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20. On March 20 you draw the Tyluthan symbol all over your body.
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[edit] April
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21. Holy Matrimony Day. HMD is the ONLY day durring the year that you can get married. The marriage ritual is in Ritual Book, Volume One.
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[edit] May
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[edit] June
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