Dutchmenism
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[edit] Definition of Dutchmenism
Dutchmenism is the belief that Hot Dog Frank is the prophet that leads us to the Hall of Fame.
[edit] Creation
- One breezy night in March, the Lebanon Valley boy's basketball team was playing New York University in the championship game in Buffalo. Unfortunately their biggest fan, Hot Dog Frank, could not attend due to his old age. Previously, Hot Dog Frank knew that he was not going to be able to go to the game and figured that he was going to pass away. He came up with the idea to start a religion about Dutchmenism with himself as the prophet of the religion. He left a set of rules and rituals in the playbook so the five starters could find it at the end of the game. Hot Dog Frank knew the boys could elaborate and create the ultimate religion. The boys found the rules and rituals left by their dearest fan and started the religion from then on, with Hot Dog Frank in their hearts.
- Hot Dog Frank died in 1994 and upon his death he left a playbook with the guidelines of Dutchmenism inside. The five starters of the 1994 basketball team found the guidelines and decided to carry out Frank's wish for Dutchmenism. Frank also left directions for the pilgrimage and declared a Loser's Bracket as Hell.
[edit] History
In 1866 the best, most prestigious college was founded in the small town of Annville, Pennsylvania. The name of this amazing school is Lebanon Valley College. The students who graduated in the first graduating class were all dedicated Dutchmen; their only wish was for the school to have its own religion so that the Dutchmen of LVC will always be interconnected with one another. Over one hundred years passed and the wishes of the first class had yet to be accomplished. However, that was about to change. There was a person known as Hot Dog Frank who was an avid supporter of the Dutchmen and their campaign to greatness in athletics. He went to all of the basketball games and gave away free hot dogs whenever our boys beat the greatly feared Albright team. The team could always count on Hot Dog Frank to be there, until that fateful 1994 March day on which Hot Dog Frank passed away. On that very day the basketball team heard about the unfortunate loss and dedicated their final game of the season, the Championship game against New York University, to the memory of Hot Dog Frank. Even though he was unable to attend in the flesh, the boys knew that Frank was definitely there in spirit; they felt his presence on the court, guiding that last game winning shot into the net. When the starters of this Championship basketball team found the guidelines the religion of Dutchmenism was created. At last, the hopes and dreams of the very first graduating class of the college had come true; the school had finally gotten its own religion.
- Number of Followers of Dutchmenism
- 1994 -- 5 (the five starters of the basketball team)
- 1998 -- 800
- 2002 -- 1200
- 2006 -- 1480
[edit] Symbol
The Number 5
- It is the connection of the seven buildings of our daily schedule and also represents the five basketball starters that were the creators.
Hot Dog Frank
- Once he passed away he became more important.
- For example, after his death the statue and religion came about. (Freud)
The Ring
- This symbolizes what goes around comes around, what you do now plays into which Loser's Bracket you end up in. It also symbolizes grace. (Geertz)
Colors, RED, BLUE & WHITE
- Red-not pleased & also was taken out of the original school colors
- Blue-pleased
- White-pure
[edit] Sacred Text
- The Guidelines
- Written by the Prophet Hot Dog Frank himself, The Guidelines were found after Hot Dog Frank's tragic death in March 1994. They explain what Dutchmenism is and what followers must do each day. Dutchmen must follow The Guidelines in order to receive approval from Frank through his statue. If Dutchmen do not do the rituals and pilgrimage the way Hot Dog Frank wants them to, according to the text, their ritual load doubles for the next year or they will be cursed.
- The LVC Handbook
- The LVC Handbook is an extremely important sacred text to the Dutchmen. It is the source of the official academic calendar and also contains the full year calendar as well. The Handbook contains information about the important figures of Dutchmenism, such as LVC Administrators. It keeps Dutchmen up to date on daily activities, and it also allows followers to plan ahead, so they can make sure they attend all the activities they can, without letting their grades suffer of course. The official finals week schedule is posted in the Handbook, as well. The end of the book even explains each of the annual Dutchmenism Holidays and when they occur, as to allow followers adequate time for preparation. This sacred text also mentions all of the campus' services and how a Dutchmen can go about obtaining such services to enhance their Dutchmen experience. One of the most important parts of this text is towards the end; it goes into detail how a follower could possibly be expelled from the school and thus reaches their untimely death from the Dutchmenism faith. This text is very useful for the average Dutchmen, but it comes in handy to new believers of the faith.
- The Freshmen Directory that shows all the new Dutchmen
- The Freshmen Directory is vital to new Dutchmen. Its contents include background information on every single new Dutchmen and what they intend to major in. This text also provides general information about the religion to give new Dutchmen the right mind set for when they begin to participate in the daily rituals and practices of Dutchmenism. The Freshman Directory also holds pictures of each new Dutchmen.
- LVC Course Catalog
- The Lebanon Valley College Course Catalog is the text in which Dutchmen look to for guidance to help them choose what courses to take each semester. It contains the overview and pre-requisite skills needed for each class. Dutchmen need this text in order to pick the most suitable courses for them and to help them do well in school and furthermore in their majors. Followers of the Dutchman Faith also believe that if they pick the right courses out of the Course Catalog, it will get them that much closer to Hot Dog Frank's approval status.
[edit] Weekly Schedule
Monday=Library- This is where the Dutchmen can go to meditate. This helps them focus on what is important and what they need to work at improving.
Tuesday=Garber Center- This is the building that new ideas and improvements are put into affects.
Wednesday=Laughlin Hall-Once a week the Dutchmen must worship the alumni now the zombies but must be very quiet not to disturb them.
Thursday=Lynch-Lynch is the place where the nuns and monks teach the ways of the Dutchmen and help educate them.
Friday=Arnold Sports Center-Here is where the Dutchmen can go to cleanse their body of the week and start fresh. It helps them relax and feel good.
Saturday=Mund College Center-Mund is the place where all the Dutchmen meet on Saturday to interact with one another. This is the social gathering once a week to discuss what they have done, seen, and heard throughout the week.
Sunday=Peace Garden-This is when the Dutchmen go to the peace garden and worship Hot Dog Frank.
[edit] Beliefs
- Certain people are categorized into the group labeled "TF's" which stands for the athletic term Technical Foul. These students are the Dutchmen that are the most dedicated to receiving the highest grades and the best athletic achievements at LVC. They are so focused on their grades and participation in sports that they lose sight of the true meaning of Dutchmenism. They sacrifice their worship of Hot Dog Frank to become the best student athlete possible. (Jihad/Martyrdom)
- Dutchmen believe in the importance of the annual pilgrimage to LVC's biggest fan, Hot Dog Frank. At the end of the pilgrimage, in which Dutchmen bring offerings of hot dogs to the statue of Hot Dog Frank in the Peace Garden, the championship ring on Hot Dog Frank's hand changes color to show how pleased he is with the individual Dutchmen. If the ring turns BLUE he is pleased with the students performance over the past year, but if the ring turns RED he is unhappy and in result, the student is forced to double their worship and offering for the next year.(Virabhadra)
- Dutchmen believe that Dutchmenism is the only option and all other opinions do not exit. (9/11)
- Dutchmen believe that the Dean of LVC has gathered so much power that he/she transcends the nuns and monks. Therefore, the Dean has a high amount of power over both groups. (Douglas)
- Dutchmen believe that Dutchmenism is a microcosm that maps to the larger macrocosm. In this belief, Hot Dog Frank is the figure of Dutchmenism that is a direct resemblance of the macrocosm's belief in God. In Dutchmenism, the offerings given to Hot Dog Frank by the students, show that the followers are giving of themselves to Dutchmenism, while others give monetary offerings to the church. Just as God determines whether a follower will spend their afterlife in Heaven or Hell, Hot Dog Frank determines how his followers will pass through the Loser's Bracket and ultimately find their final place in the Hall of Fame. (Berger)
[edit] Rituals
One year during the day of the Pilgrimage, March 19, two friends were approaching Hot Dog Frank. The one had always done his weekly schedule and had not broken any of the rules of Dutchmenism. The other meanwhile had forgot about half of his daily routines and not kept his grades up. They both went to the peace garden where they were taking their offering to Frank. The friend who had done everything right the past year offered Frank a big juicy hot dog, some Dutchmen drink, and an old jersey of his father from when he played basketball at LVC. The other offered a week old shriveled up hot dog, an empty cup because he got thirsty, and a new basketball. The ring on the finger of Hot Dog Frank turned a vibrant blue when the first friend completed the pilgrimage and was ready to move onto the next year. On the other hand the other friend got a color of deep red. He knew his mistakes and now had to perform double the amount of weekly activities, and work extra hard to please Frank the next year.
[edit] The Cycle of a Dutchmen
The life of the Dutchmen begins with their initial acceptance into Lebanon Valley College. Once the student is accepted, he or she has the opportunity to join the religion of Dutchmenism. This is highly encouraged because those who are not followers of Dutchmenism risk alumni or the Dean sentencing them to an untimely death. When joining Dutchmenism, students automatically accept the beliefs and practices of the school's religion. The students must begin performing rituals and following the rules that were set forth by Hot Dog Frank. Each year the students embark on the great pilgrimage to bring offerings to Hot Dog Frank. At the end of each ceremony Frank decides if he is pleased with the actions of the student over the past year of school. The outcome of a student's pilgrimage factors into the result of their final pilgrimage to Hot Dog Frank. During the students' last pilgrimage, Hot Dog Frank decides which area of the Loser's Bracket they will enter. The Loser's Bracket is divided into five areas in which the students can be placed.
- Jobs right after college
- Grad School
- Career position as a Rookie
- Career position with Tenure
- Career position as a Veteran (Going to Hell)
Eventually the followers of Dutchmenism will find themselves on the doorstep of the Hall of Fame. When Hot Dog Frank sees fit, he will allow individual followers to enter the Hall of Fame and enjoy its benefits for the remaining years of their lives. Unfortunately, when a follower of Dutchmenism passes away, there is no afterlife. In Dutchmenism, when you are dead, you are dead.
[edit] Holidays
- Dutchmen Day is like Thanksgiving-During this day the Dutchmen talk among one another and tell each other what they are thankful for. During this day they also must eat at least one hot dog and sing the Oscar Mayer Wiener song.
- Franks Death is the Pilgrimage
- Nathan's Hot Dog eating contest- Once every year there is a hot dog eating contest that takes place among the Dutchmen. The person who eats the most within three minutes is declared the winner. That person is exempt from having to perform the acts that a normal Dutchmen would have to for one year. There is also a parade and tons of free hot dogs given to all the Dutchmen.
[edit] Myths
- One myth is that of the creation of the new sports center. Writings from one of the five starting basketball players revealed that just before his death, Hot Dog Frank foresaw the transformation of the old gymnasium into the Lynch building of classrooms and offices. Because the old gymnasium would be lost, the writing stated that Hot Dog Frank knew the school would be blessed with the creation of a new sports center. (Manu)
- The creators of Dutchmenism established the myth of the zombies. There are two kinds of zombies, those that inflict no harm on the followers of Dutchmenism and those that result in untimely death. Graduate students that did not spend their initial college years at LVC but chose to attend the school for a master's degree in their field of work are known as the harmless zombies. They wander the campus during the day and never bring trouble to the followers. However, graduates of LVC who return to campus for Homecoming weekend or any other major events are known as the dangerous zombies. If they come across a follower who is not going about Dutchmenism in the right manner the alumni zombies become angry and report the follower to the Dean. When a follower is reported to the Dean, he or she will be kicked out of LVC, forced to suffer an untimely death. When this happens, the follower enters a bottomless pit of nothing until they eventually disintegrate; this is considered their untimely death. (Zombies and Virabhadra)
- The professors and staff working at LVC are stuck in the area of the Loser's Bracket deemed for work. The professors who graduated from LVC and now teach here are the nuns, while the monks are professors that did not graduate from LVC, but found a job working on the campus. The distinction between nun and monk is not gender-specific; it is solely determined by the professor's enrollment, or lack thereof, at LVC during their college years. The monks try to take authority away from the nuns, but the nuns have more power because they have the support of Hot Dog Frank. (Buddhist Nuns)
[edit] Hymn/Saying/Prayer
- One saying that the Dutchmen follow is: "The truth shall set you Free."
- Alma Mater is the hymn that the Dutchmen are saying while performing the pilgrimage to Hot Dog Frank.
- To Thee dear Alma Mater, this ringing song we raise
- A song that's fraught with gladness, a song that's filled with praise
- We cannot help but love Thee, our hearts are full and free
- Full well we know the debt we owe, to dear old L.V.C.
- We come from old New Hampshire, where winter breezes blow
- And from the sunny Southland, where sweet magnolias grow
- We've sung "Star Spangled Banner," to "Dixie" given a cheer
- And now we raise this song of praise, to Alma Mater dear.
- Ye sons of Lebanon Valley, put forth your strongest might
- And let our Alma Mater, win each and ev'ry fight
- Lift high its royal banner, and keep its honor clear
- And let our song with voices strong, ring down thro' many a year.
- Another hymn that the Dutchmen say is the Oscar Mayer Wiener saying
- Oh I wish I were an Os-car Mayer Wie - ner
- That is what I'd tru-ly like to be
- 'cause if I were an Os-car May-er Wie - ner
- Ev-ery one would be in love with me.
- This Hymn changes over time. (Asad)
[edit] Rules and Regulations
- In order to receive the blue ring at the end of the pilgrimage, a follower must eat at least one hot dog, preferably on Saturday, which is the day of social activities. During this time, the followers must drink the Dutchmen fountain soda.
- When consuming food, the Dutchmen must never eat a hamburger. When thinking about eating a hamburger, the follower must always consume a hot dog instead. (Leviticus)
- In order to remain an active member of Dutchmenism, followers must maintain the status of a full-time student, carrying a course load of the expected amount of credit.
- Students must participate on at least one varsity or intramural athletic team during each year of service.
[edit] Glossary
Alma Mater-- Sacred hymn of the Dutchmen
Alumni-- harmful zombies
Course Catalog-- Sacred text of the Dutchmen
Dean-- Administrator who has power over the Nuns and Monks
Garber-- Sacred place Dutchmen go to on Tuesdays
The Guidelines-- Sacred text of the Dutchmen
Hall of Fame-- retirement (Dutchmenism Heaven)
Hamburgers-- food item Dutchmen cannot consume
Hot Dogs-- sacred food items, must be consumed on Saturdays
Hot Dog Frank-- the prophet who followers of Dutchmenism worship
Laughlin Hall-- Sacred place Dutchmen go to on Wednesdays
Library-- Sacred place Dutchmen go to on Mondays
Loser's Bracket-- life after LVC (Dutchmenism Hell)
LVC Graduate Students-- zombies
LVC Handbook-- Sacred text of the Dutchmen
Lynch-- Sacred place Dutchmen go to on Thursdays
Monks-- professors who did not graduate from LVC
Mund-- Sacred place Dutchmen go to on Saturdays
Nuns-- professors who graduated from LVC
Oscar Mayer Wiener Song-- Sacred hymn of the Dutchmen
Peace Garden-- Sacred place Dutchmen go to on Sundays, also where Hot Dog Frank's statue resides
Referees-- townies of Annville
Sports Center-- Sacred place Dutchmen go to on Firdays
Technical Fouls-- aka TF's-- martyrs who got so involved into the practices of Dutchmenism they lose the true meaning of the faith
The Freshmen Directory-- Sacred text of the Dutchmen
'The Ring'-- refers to the Championship ring on Hot Dog Frank's hand that shows Frank's approval or disproval on pilgrmage days.
